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Worry, insecure (self doubt), and distrust in partners often haunts the mind. If you think about it over and over again, this can trigger you to do something that will resolve the worry, such as testing it. However, is it healthy if you keep testing your boyfriend?
Testing a boyfriend is bad for a relationship
Have you ever tested your boyfriend to see how much you love him? For example, deliberately buying a new number and pretending to invite acquaintances to test their loyalty.
Once or twice maybe it is fine to satisfy your curiosity and worries. However, if done too often it turns out that this can damage the relationship, you know.
A person usually thinks of testing his partner if he feels it insecure or unsure of the partner. This method is mostly done as an alternative, rather than having to be honest.
The reason is, being honest about their feelings and worries may not be easy for some people. Therefore, looking for answers by testing them in various ways is often the solution taken.
It's true, testing your boyfriend can provide answers to the worries you have been feeling. However, this method can sometimes make the conflict bigger which actually adds to the feeling insecure.
If the test results show evidence that your boyfriend is "playing back" this may be the answer to your concern for him.
But what if the opposite happened? Your partner suddenly knows that you are testing it. Remember not everyone can understand, including your partner.
It is very natural for partners to be angry and disappointed because they feel not trusted. If this happens it is not impossible for the couple to choose to end the relationship.
Stop testing girlfriends, just talk straight away
Brene Brown, a lecturer and researcher at the University of Houston states that whenever you think about testing your boyfriend, ask yourself what you are doing this for.
What do you think you want to find out? What do you expect from the test, is it proof of his love, commitment, lies, or what?
Brown says rather than testing it, talk about your concerns with him face to face. It can be hard to tell your partner your anxiety. But that's the way to go if you want this relationship to go on smoothly.
Learn to convey your feelings to your partner even though it may not be fun.
By talking about it, at least your partner knows what he has to do to convince you. Don't forget to tell your partner what you want him to do to alleviate this anxiety.
Don't test your boyfriend every time you feel like it insecure. You might just be addicted to doing it, instead of talking about it well.
Believe that communication is one of the best solutions to solve problems in relationships. Even though it's difficult, try to talk to your partner.
Set aside a special time to discuss this in private without being disturbed by anyone or any other agenda.
