Home Arrhythmia What you need to know before becoming a stepparent & bull; hello healthy
What you need to know before becoming a stepparent & bull; hello healthy

What you need to know before becoming a stepparent & bull; hello healthy

Table of contents:

Anonim

Being a parent with two families, or marrying someone who already has children, can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience. Being a stepparent is not something to worry about. If you have never had children, you will have the opportunity to share your life with a child and help shape his character. If you already have children, you can give them more opportunities to build special relationships and bonds that only exist in brotherhood.

In some cases, your new family member can get along without problems, but other times you will get into trouble. Assigning your role as a parent — in addition to day-to-day responsibilities — can also cause problems and even conflicts between you and your spouse, ex-wife or ex-spouse, and their children.

While there is no easy formula for creating a "perfect" family (each family has its own dynamics), it is important that you live this new situation with patience and understanding of their feelings. Here's how to make things easier for you to adapt to your new role.

ALSO READ: Bad Effects If Parents Are Too Involved In Children's Life

Start slow

The initial role of a stepparent is like that of any other caring adult in the child's life, similar to that of a family member or a loving mentor. You may want a closer bond quickly, and may be wondering if you made a mistake if your stepchild didn't get along with you or with your kids as quickly as you'd like — but all relationships take time to develop.

Start slow and try not to rush. Let things develop naturally — children can tell when adults are fake or insincere. Over time, you can develop a deeper and more meaningful relationship with your stepchildren, who don't necessarily have to be the same as their biological parents.

Naturally, if the stepchildren did not initially accept

Children who mourn the loss of a dead parent or divorce need time to recover before they can fully accept you as a new parent.

For those whose biological parents are still alive, a new marriage could mean the end of hopes that their parents will be reunited. Even if it has been several years since separation, children often still hope for a long time that their parents will be together again. From a children's perspective, the fact that the mother or father remarried, can make them feel angry, hurt, and confused.

ALSO READ: 5 Ways to Explain Divorce to Children

Factors that can influence your transition as a new parent

1. Age of the child

When it is time to start adjusting and forming new relationships, younger children generally find it easier than older children.

2. How long have you known them

Usually, the longer you get to know them, the better the relationship will be. There are exceptions (for example, if you were friends with your parents before they split and you are blamed for the reason), but in most cases, being together does make the transition a little smoother.

3. How long did you date her parents before the wedding

Again, there are exceptions, but usually if you're not in a hurry to get into adult relationships, kids have a good view that you'll be in the relationship for the long haul.

4. How good is your partner's relationship with his ex

This is an important factor. Small conflicts and open communication between former partners can make a big difference in how easily children accept you as their stepparent. It is much easier for children to move into a new life when their parents keep negative comments from hearing.

5. How much time the children spend with you

Trying to do activities with the kids on the weekends, when they want to spend time with biological parents they rarely see, can make it harder for you to make friends with your new stepchild. Remember to put their needs first. If children want time with their biological parents, they must get it. So, sometimes isolating yourself can help make the relationship work better in the long run.

6 tips for success as a stepparent

All parents face difficulties. However, when you play the role of a stepparent, the problem is made worse by the fact that you are not the real parent. This can open up a power struggle within the family, whether it be from your children, ex-spouse, or even your spouse.

When times are tough, putting your children's needs first can help you make good decisions. Here's how:

1. Prioritizing children's needs, not wants

Children need love, compassion, and consistent rules. Giving them toys or treating them, especially when they don't get good grades or don't behave well, will lead to a situation where you feel like you are bribing for love. Likewise, if you feel guilty about treating your biological child differently from your stepchild, don't buy gifts as an antidote. Do your best to find out how to treat them more fairly.

2. House rules

Apply your house rules as consistently as possible for all children, whether they are biological children, partner children, or new children after you are together. Children and teens will have different rules, but they must be treated consistently at all times. This helps children adjust to transitions, such as moving to a new home or welcoming a new baby, and helps them think that all the children in your home are treated the same. If children are faced with two very different rules, it may be time for parents to talk to each other — not the kids learning to "run the system" for the short term, but creating lasting problems.

ALSO READ: 7 Rules for Disciplining Preschool Children

3. Create a new family tradition

Look for specific activities to do with your stepchildren, but be sure to get their feedback. Some new family traditions include playing Monopoly or other games at night, cycling together, cooking, making crafts, or even karaoke in the car. The key is to have fun together, not to win their love — kids are smart and will quickly find out if you try to force the relationship.

4. Respect all parents

When your ex-wife / spouse has passed away, it is important for you to be sensitive and respect that person. If the couple is divorced and child care is shared with the ex-wife / husband, try to be polite and loving in their interactions with each other (no matter how difficult it may be!). Never say negative things about the child's biological parents in front of the children. This will actually backfire and make the child angry. No child likes to hear his parents criticized, even if he complains about them to you.

5. Do not use children as messengers or intermediaries

Try not to question the children about what is going on in other households — they will resent it when they feel that they are being asked to "spy" another parent. If possible, communicate directly with other parents about relevant matters, such as scheduling, visits, health issues, or school issues. Online care calendars make this process a little easier as parents can track visit days and share information with each other via the internet.

6. Talk to your partner

Communication between you and your partner is very important so that you can make parenting decisions together. This is especially important if you each have different understandings of parenting and discipline. If you are new to parenting as a stepparent, ask your partner how best to get to know their children. Use the available resources to find out what interests children of different ages — and don't forget to ask them.

No matter what the circumstances of your new family, there will always be possible obstacles. But don't give up on making things happen — even if things get tough, they can still (and probably will) thrive as you and your new family members get to know each other well.


x

What you need to know before becoming a stepparent & bull; hello healthy

Editor's choice