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Arguments and fights during courtship are very common. You and your partner are two different people with different personalities. Sometimes there are various differences that make the two of you end up at odds. Fighting is normal, but what is not natural is when your partner always threatens to break up every time you disagree.
Why do couples threaten to break up?
When a partner always threatens to break up when fighting, there are actually a number of possibilities that could happen. Quoted from Psychology Today, a partner who always threatens to break up may take it as a joke or a tactic to intimidate your feelings.
Now, that is a sign that your relationship is not valuable enough to him. People who value a relationship will never use this method to get what they want.
In addition, quoted from the page of the University of California Berkeley Health Services, the threat of dropping out that your partner poses can be classified into psychological manipulation. You could say he is trying to manipulate you. Your partner uses this threat to dismiss your true opinions and concerns. Your partner also tries to control your thoughts and actions. This is the hidden purpose behind the threat of breaking up.
Usually, this is done only as a real threat but never materialized. Once he feels successful with his threat, he will come back to being gentle with you. That way, it will become clear that your partner is trying to manipulate your thoughts by issuing a breakup threat.
What to do when your partner threatens to break up?
When your partner always threatens to break up in every argument, don't panic. You need to think clearly without getting carried away by passionate emotions. However, before that there are some things that should be avoided:
- Don't respond to broken bluffs from your partner unless you are really ready to end it.
- Do not immediately accuse your partner, for example by saying he is a liar because he is always threatening but never realized.
- Don't take it for granted just because you feel what the person says is nothing more than a threat.
Even if it is difficult and you feel that your partner is being manipulative, the first thing you need to do is be calm. The reason is, there are no wise decisions made when angry. Then, take a deep breath and ask your partner to give you a few minutes before discussing it further.
Next, invite your partner to talk heart to heart. Ask him if he really wants to break up with you. Then, offer him to solve the problem together with a cool head.
Once conditions start to be conducive, you can be honest with your partner about your feelings every time your partner threatens you with a break up. Start with the words, "I feel …" so that your feelings are conveyed properly. Don't start a sentence with, "You are …".
If your partner is willing to listen to your complaints, this is good because it is a sign that he has empathy for you. Tell him that there are still more ways to solve the problem than with breaking up.
If your partner does not accept this and continues to defend himself, that is a sign you need to reassess the relationship that you have built so far. The reason is, affection alone is not strong enough to provide provisions for a happy and healthy relationship.
For that, try to be honest with yourself about the feelings you have had. Is your current partner the person you need? By being honest with yourself, you will also be able to be honest with your partner and find answers that you never got before.
