Table of contents:
- The cause of self-loathing
- 1. Have had a trauma
- 2. Trying to please others
- 3. Having too high expectations
- Tips for stopping feelings of self-loathing
- 1. Reducing self-criticism
- 2. Trying to receive compliments from others
- 3. Growing feelings of love for yourself
- 4. Learn to forgive yourself
Self-loathing is one of the attitudes that maybe almost everyone has experienced. Every day and every moment you may not be able to stop criticizing yourself for every mistake you make.
If allowed, this attitude can keep you from developing. So, why can someone hate himself and how to stop it? Check out the reviews below.
The cause of self-loathing
Words “I hate myself"Comes from the conscience that is often experienced by various people, regardless of gender and age.
These negative thoughts usually arise due to various factors, such as one of which has a bad past.
In addition, there are several reasons why this conscience continues to bother your head and affect your own life, namely:
1. Have had a trauma
As reported by Psych Alive, research conducted by two psychologists, namely dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone, found that trauma is one of the causes for someone to hate themselves.
People whose past has certain traumas tend to have different perspectives on themselves.
If your parents or those closest to you as a child instilled a bad view of yourself, this will affect you well into adulthood.
For example, children who are physically and emotionally abused are more likely to view the world as insecure and to think of others as dangerous.
As they grow older, some children develop the mindset that they are not worthy of love.
In fact, the words may even have come from their own parents. This makes these words continue to live in them until they finally hate themselves.
2. Trying to please others
Apart from childhood trauma, trying to please others can actually develop self-hatred, why is that?
When you have a principle of pleasing others but failing to make them happy, feelings of self-loathing can arise. This may be because you feel like you're letting the person down.
Therefore, when you are in that position, you may feel worthless because of no benefit to others.
3. Having too high expectations
Having expectations that are too high can also create self-loathing.
Actually, wanting to do a job with the best results is a natural desire. However, when the standards to be met are too high, it can hurt yourself.
These standards that are too high can make you feel like a failure if you can't meet them.
This in turn will lead to inner criticism of yourself. As a result, feelings of disappointment cannot be avoided.
This feeling of disappointment can lead to hating yourself, especially if your environment supports it.
For example, after graduating from a fairly prestigious university, you expect that your first salary is over 8 million. Even though maybe your ability is not yet qualified to get a salary with this nominal.
When these expectations are not met, you may blame yourself until you feel resentful. In fact, it's not you who is wrong, it's just that your expectations of something are too high.
Tips for stopping feelings of self-loathing
In order for yourself to be free from feelings of hatred that might affect your mental condition, there are several ways you can do this.
1. Reducing self-criticism
One way to reduce feelings of self-hatred is to reduce self-criticism.
It sounds easy, but it can be hard to do if you don't really mean it from the heart. In addition, try to appreciate the efforts that have been made even though they have not yielded maximum results.
2. Trying to receive compliments from others
Source: Stocksy
Hating yourself often causes you to shut yourself off from other people's compliments.
Someone usually gives praise for the effort you have put in. However, because the results are not what you expected, the praise is considered insignificant.
In fact, make the compliment a motivation so that you can be even better in the future. Say thank you to someone who has complimented you, don't just turn it down.
3. Growing feelings of love for yourself
By loving yourself, the hatred that is inside can actually be lost.
Maybe the concept of loving yourself sounds confusing. However, try to start by thinking about how you treat a friend or loved one when they fail.
Would you go all out to criticize them when they did something wrong or hate them?
Isn't it when you love someone else and that person makes a mistake, you happily remind yourself that nothing is perfect?
Well, that's also what you need to do to yourself.
A psychologist in the United States, dr. Kristin Neff, PhD, to Verywell Health, say learn to love yourself.
Loving yourself means that you understand that failure can happen and it is true that no human being is perfect at doing something.
4. Learn to forgive yourself
The key to reducing feelings of self-loathing is forgiving yourself.
Forgiving yourself can be done by learning from mistakes that have been made. While it may not be easy, you can move forward if you are able to forgive yourself.
There are several steps you can take to make this process work, such as:
- Admit and learn from mistakes that have been made.
- Get clear again what it is you really want.
- Carry out the advice you have given to others when they fail.
Self-loathing may be a feeling that has been around for a long time and stopping it is not as easy as turning your palm. But with a strong intention, this is not impossible to do.
If you find it difficult, see an expert or psychologist to help find a solution.
