Table of contents:
- How to deal with your little one after a divorce
- 1. Help the child express his emotions
- 2. Give understanding that this happened not because of your little one's fault
- 3. Schedule a time to meet with the child
- 4. Always keep appointments to meet
- 5. Watch for changes in the child's behavior
No one wants to experience separation, but in a domestic relationship it is possible. When divorce problems are unavoidable, the children will be the victims. Unfortunately, not all parents are sensitive to this, which ultimately affects the mental health of their little one. Yes, there are separate ways that parents must do after a divorce to deal with their children.
How to deal with your little one after a divorce
According to Prof. Tamara Afifi (TEDxUCSB Speaker Talk: The impact of divorce in childen), most children will feel stressed sometime after their parents divorce. However, this stress can last a long time and "recur" at any time.
After officially separating, you have a new life. Changes in this condition will affect you and your baby. The following are some tips that you can do after a divorce to help your little one recover from his pain.
1. Help the child express his emotions
Let the child show what he feels after hearing the news of his parents' divorce. Avoid using the words "Don't worry, everything will be fine."
The reason is, this sentence actually makes your little one feel that his parents do not understand the sadness he feels. It is like, at that time it was very natural for him to be angry, sad, and disappointed. But you just don't give your little one the opportunity to express his sadness.
So, instead of saying that, you can talk to him and ask him how he felt at that moment. Tell him that he can cry and be angry at that time. However, at the end keep reminding him that you will always be by his side and will not leave him.
2. Give understanding that this happened not because of your little one's fault
Without realizing it, after a divorce your little one might wonder what caused this incident. Often the thought that arises is that his parents do not love him. Some children try to prevent this divorce by behaving well in the hope that their parents will not separate.
However, when the fact that her change in attitude didn't change anything, she turned sad, angry, and lost confidence in herself. Edward Teyber, PhD, a California State University psychologist and author of books Helping Children Cope with Divorce, revealed that parents must constantly ensure that this has nothing to do with the baby. Also tell him that you both will always love him.
3. Schedule a time to meet with the child
Children must feel love from both parents. Arrange the time so that the child can still meet the father or mother. It would be nice if you could play together, even though this means you have to reduce the ego. If your child lives with you on a daily basis, give your little one the opportunity to visit her father or mother without a hitch.
Reduce the 'drama' of fighting over child custody in front of them. It's a good idea to let it go with a smile when your child is staying over or going out to play with his mom or dad.
4. Always keep appointments to meet
If your child does not live with you, try not to cancel plans to meet your child, especially at the beginning of the separation. Your child will feel unwanted if you repeatedly cancel appointments to see him.
When your partner doesn't keep his promise, don't make things worse by badmouthing him or her. Prepare other plans that you can use to please your child.
Let your child express disappointment. You can say, “I understand, you are disappointed Dad didn't come…” and let the child respond by telling him what he is thinking. Encourage children to do activities they like so they can treat their feelings of disappointment.
5. Watch for changes in the child's behavior
In some conditions, children try to be okay, as if there are no problems. Your child may think not to burden you with feelings of sadness and disappointment.
Holding on to this kind of feeling is certainly not good. If your child doesn't want to open up, denies, even though you've tried to provide a comfortable space for sharing, stop being pushy.
However, keep an eye on changes in children's behavior such as changes in diet, decreased school performance, body weight, daily activities, and so on. It could be a sign that your child is secretly feeling depressed and stressed
Ask for help from other family members, trusted teachers, or maybe friends to be friends to talk to. Sometimes, he will feel comfortable sharing his feelings with others for fear of burdening you.
It is not impossible for your child to grow up well even though the father and mother are separated. As long as you and your child are open to each other and give positive energy, you will definitely be able to get through these difficult times well.
