Bad effects if parents interfere too much in the child's life & bull; hello healthy

Keeping children healthy and safe is part of parental instinct, and everyone has their own way of doing it. Some parents even protect their children too much, not only from big problems, but also from small things and responsibilities that they should be able to handle on their own. This is known as parenting helicopter parenting and this term has relatively become more popular in the last decade.

What is that helicopter parenting?

Helicopter parenting is a term that refers to parenting styles by parents who are too focused on the child's life. As a result, parents are too involved in the various problems faced by their children. In contrast to parenting styles that comply with the various desires of children, parenting helicopter parenting more likely to determine how the child should act, and more overprotective of the child from adversity or failure.

Basically, this is based on good intentions, but parents do helicopter parenting tends to solve various problems faced by children, even though the child can actually solve them on their own. Psychology expert Michael Ungar said (as reported by Psychology Today), “This (helicopter parenting) certainly not in accordance with the primary goal of parenting to make it capable of completing a variety of adult tasks. "

He also argues that training children to make their own decisions is far more important than letting them depend on their parents to solve the problems they face.

Helicopter parenting can take the form of various behaviors of parents who monitor school life, social life, and even children's work, for example:

• Determine the education major taken by the child even though the child doesn't like it.
• Monitor meal and exercise schedules.
• Parents ask children to always provide news where he is and with whom.
• When a child's grades are poor, parents contact the teacher or lecturer to protest.
• Intervene if there are problems with friends or work.

Why do parents interfere so much in a child's life?

There are many reasons parents intervene too much in their child's life. But basically this is caused by excessive anxiety parents about how their children live their lives. As a result, helicopter parent do various things to help overcome life's problems, even take over what children should do.

Although it seems that this is only done by parents with children who have grown up, but behavior helicopter parenting it can also occur at any stage of a child's development. Parents who are always anxious and have been accustomed to helping their children in various things since they were children will likely continue to do so into adulthood. Without realizing it, when they are teenagers or adults, children tend to get anxious easily and always rely on their parents when they face difficulties.

Why is getting too involved in a child's life a bad parenting style?

Here are some reasons being overprotected for children can be bad:

Don't let the child grow up

Children who are cared for by overly supervising and interfering parents tend to have difficulty solving problems, because they have low self-esteem and are more afraid of failure. The further the parents interfere in the responsibilities of the child, the less confidence they have in their child's abilities. As he grows up, this not only makes it difficult for children to adapt to problems, but also can have an impact on social life, education, and even career after he grows up.

Child does not have

Coping skill is a person's skill to be able to deal with problems and feelings of disappointment or failure well. Always helping children so that they never make mistakes or fail is something that can hinder their development coping skills. As a result, children are not used to solving problems or facing failure, and they never learn how to solve these problems.

Decreased self-confidence of children

The attitude of parents who interfere too much when the child has entered adolescence will cause the child to be less confident about hanging out with children his own age. This will also make it more difficult for him to hang out and close down even as he grows up. It needs to be understood by parents that self-confidence is something that can only be obtained when children depend on their own abilities, both in making decisions and accepting consequences.

Parents help children only because of excessive anxiety

Mostly behavior helicopter parenting based on excessive anxiety, rather than the intention to help children. Some parents' anxiety is even caused by fear of feeling guilty when their child fails, or fear of what other people think of their child, not because of anxiety due to the child's abilities or problems the child is facing. When you as a parent experience anxiety, it's best to talk about how your child deals with these problems. Providing direction and motivation without interfering directly will be better for children in solving problems.

What parents can do so they don't interfere too much

Being too worried and meddling in the child's life is not a wise way to build closeness with children. Here are some things you can do to avoid parenting helicopter parenting:

Let the child try according to his ability

Along with their growth, children experience gradual development in doing various things. Therefore, letting children learn to handle things and their own responsibilities is the best thing to make them more independent and develop their abilities to live life. In addition, it is better for parents to let their children make decisions and accept the consequences themselves, as long as they do not endanger the health and safety of the children.

When your child is in trouble, don't worry him

Avoid being too anxious and making things look worse than they really are. This will only make children confused and anxious because of the negative response given by parents to a problem. Deal with difficulties together with the child, by responding in a more positive way and without making the child more anxious.

Don't make your child the center of your life

This is the main reason some parents worry about what choices their children make. The best way to deal with this is to recognize that children have a life, and are entitled to make their own choices. And remember, high or low children's achievement is not an appropriate indicator of the quality of your parenting.

Respect the child's opinion

Forcing an opinion on a child can cause the child not to have a stand for his own opinion. Therefore, understand it as something positive if your child has a different opinion than yours. If that doesn't work with your child's kindness, try talking to him and understanding why your child thinks this way.