Table of contents:
- The importance of consent to have sex, even though the status is husband and wife
- What are the signs of rape in marriage?
- 1. Forced to have sex
- 2. Threatened to have sex
- 3. Manipulating wife
- 4. Sex in a state of unconscious partner
- 5. Intentionally confining or confining partners
- So what should be done if a partner refuses to have sex?
The term rape in marriage may sound foreign to some people's ears. If you are married, is it possible to be raped by your husband or wife? Doesn't it mean that if you are married, sex is consensual?
No, marriage doesn't mean you are free to demand that your partner "serve" your sexual needs whenever you want. Marriage also does not mean that you are obliged to have sex whenever your partner asks you to.
For more details about rape in marriage and its forms, see the following full review.
The importance of consent to have sex, even though the status is husband and wife
Many people mistakenly think that when he is married, it means that a man is free to have sex with his wife whenever he wants. This is because, for a long time, women were regarded as objects of sexual gratification whose opinions or desires were not important.
Sex has become a necessity and a very important element in a household. However, sex must be both agreed upon and willed by husband and wife. Having sex by force or threats, even with your partner, is rape.
Getting married is not a guarantee of one's body property. In marriage, your partner is not a mere object without wants, feelings or opinions. Even though they are married, the only person who has power over their own bodies is that person.
Therefore, only he can determine whether he wants to have sex or not. No one has the right to force, threaten, or even rape her. Even his own husband or wife. Moreover, other people.
What are the signs of rape in marriage?
Komnas Perempuan emphasized that rape in marriage is included in the realm of law and regulated in Article 8 (a) and Article 66 of the Law on the Elimination of Domestic Violence.
Domestic rape occurs when a person, whether husband or wife, does not want to have sex or engage in any sexual activity, but is forced by their partner.
The following are things that can be described as marital rape.
1. Forced to have sex
This clearly has an element of coercion. Coercion here can be done physically (partner's body is detained or partner's clothes stripped by force) or verbally (with sentences like, "Take off your clothes!", "Shut up! Don't move!", Or even subtly like "Come on, it's your job. to satisfy me. ”).
Again, it is emphasized that if one party does not wish to have sex or engage in any sexual activity, this is classified as an act of rape.
Usually the victim will show signs such as saying no, pushing the perpetrator, trying to escape, begging the perpetrator to stop, screaming, or crying. However, in some cases, victims who have become defenseless are no longer able to fight against their partners and thus end up showing no signs of resistance.
2. Threatened to have sex
Sometimes threats made by one party make the other partner feel threatened and so terrified that he is forced to indulge in sex. It is not uncommon for wives to obey their husbands' wishes to avoid anger or other unwanted things.
This feeling of being threatened can be based on verbal threats and / or harsh behavior, which puts the wife in a dangerous situation, both physically and emotionally.
3. Manipulating wife
Rape in the household can also be characterized by manipulation. For example, a husband demeanes his wife as "incompetent in serving in bed" so that he threatens to find another woman.
Husbands who manipulate or act in this way can go even further if their sexual demands are not met. When a wife falls into her husband's manipulation tactics, this is not consent in sex, but marital rape.
4. Sex in a state of unconscious partner
If a wife or woman is sedated, given drugs, sleeps, drunk, or passes out, it is clear that she cannot give consent or consent to have sex. Even if a partner agrees or says “yes” while drunk or under the influence of drugs, that is still not a valid consent.
5. Intentionally confining or confining partners
There are still many men in a patriarchal culture who restrain and limit their partners in such a way. Starting from prohibiting his wife from going out with friends, going home at night, to controlling his wife's finances and career.
In this case, the husband may give the lure of leniency or freedom if his wife is willing to serve his sexual needs at any time and do whatever he asks.
If this happens, the wife can be called a household hostage. Like so many of the hostages that happened, in the end the wife gave up while doing whatever her husband wanted, including sex.
So what should be done if a partner refuses to have sex?
If your partner is really tired, not feeling well, or is having thoughts that refuse to have sex, do not be forced. This is legally prohibited and regulated in legislation.
Instead, ask your partner to talk about what is bothering him. You can also just ask him to rest. The next day, then you can ask your partner again if you like to have sex.
If your partner doesn't want to have sex, you still shouldn't be forced. We recommend that you and your partner seek help such as spiritual guides, marriage counselors, obstetricians, psychologists, and others.
If you suspect a family member, closest relative, or someone around you has experienced sexual violence in any form, it is strongly recommended to contactpolice emergency number 110; KPAI (Indonesian Child Protection Commission) at (021) 319-015-56;Komnas Perempuan at (021) 390-3963;ATTITUDE (Action Solidarity for Victims of Violence against Children and Women) at (021) 319-069-33;LBH APIK at (021) 877-972-89; or contactIntegrated Crisis Center - RSCMat (021) 361-2261.
