Comparing children with other children is bad for the future

For children, there is no day without acting up. Playing, running, falling, then crying, that's what kids are. For this small problem, you will understand. However, when a child hits or bites a friend to tears, you certainly need to advise him. Unfortunately, in between words of advice, you may occasionally compare children with other children.

“Why are you so naughty, anyway? seehuh Budi is your friend, calm and not naughty! " You must have, right? Actually, advising by comparing children with other people, is it okay or not? Come on, see what the effect is in the following review.

Why do parents often compare children?

The tendency of parents to compare their own children with other people's children (or even the child's own siblings) actually starts from the most basic human instinct.

Humans are never free to compare things with others. This is actually a rational way of thinking to be able to know and differentiate between good and bad. Like it or not, all of this happens under your subconscious.

That is why parents often "casually" compare their children with their peers, with the aim that the child can change into a better person after being given an "example".

But even though it is normal and common, is this method good for children?

Effects of comparing children with other children

Comparing children with friends may give him an idea of how they should behave. If this kind of advice is responded to positively by the child, he will be motivated to change himself for the better.

However, only a minority of children responded to parental advice in this way. Children do not like to accept criticism, nor do they really understand how to respond to criticism.

Moreover, even though it sounds bitter, in fact not all parents will follow up the "comparison" with real solutions to guide or educate their children to be even better.

The worst things that will happen to your child if you compare them often include:

1. The child doubts himself

Only by continuing to compare without really giving them a chance to improve will gradually make children more likely to doubt themselves. Especially knowing that there are others who are superior to him.

You can help your child change into a better person without having to make comparisons with himself. The trick is to simply tell him what he should do and continue guiding him so that he can change.

Don't just stop at “Look at your brother is good at math!”, But continue with “What are you having trouble with? Maybe mom or dad can help, or ask the older sibling to teach you to understand more? "

2. The child feels jealous

Who says jealousy only happens in couples? Kids can feel it too. When you continue to compare themselves to other children who are better, the child will naturally feel jealous because there are people who are clearly "favored" by their own parents.

Jealousy that is cultivated since childhood is not good for the mental health of children because it can cause resentment, enmity, or deep disappointment for both themselves and their parents and friends.

3. The child becomes negative thinking

Initially the child may be motivated to be better. But if you never appreciate his efforts by continuously comparing children with others, he will never feel proud and satisfied with what he does. He will be afflicted with negative thoughts that he will never succeed because he continues to worry and fear failure. As a result, he became distrustful of his own abilities and fell even further.

4. The relationship between parents and children becomes tenuous

Continuing to say that there are always others who are better than children can over time lead to misunderstandings. Children may feel humiliated, cornered, ignored, and never supported by their own parents to become a better person. He may also think that you don't like him.

Emotional instability of children can overflow because of this so that in the end you will not argue with children. The family atmosphere that should be warm actually heats up and can stretch the relationship between your child and you.