What to do if my partner is lying?

Lies are a serious problem, not only in everyday life but also in a marriage relationship. Finding your husband or wife lying can certainly erase the trust you have built so far. If the lies that are committed are serious enough and are repeated without a deterrent, this can certainly lead to a breakdown in your household. To overcome this problem, the following will discuss ways you can deal with a partner who likes to lie.

Already married, why does my partner still lie?

Basically a person lies to protect himself or the person he is lying to. Lying is one way of avoiding conflict. Therefore, people who like to lie are those who are unable or unwilling to manage conflict. They are also usually not good at finding solutions. They prefer a shortcut, which is lying.

Lying often starts with trivial things, from embarrassment and feeling bad about telling and saying something to your partner. For example, your partner has just bought an item that is very expensive. Not wanting to fight with you or find solutions, your partner chooses to lie.

In fact, if your partner actually does not need to lie. He could compensate for this expensive groceries by saving money over the next few months.

On the other hand, lying in a growing household could be a sign of discomfort. Especially if the lie is very serious like cheating.

How do you deal with a spouse who is a liar?

1. Find out why your partner is lying

Finding out why your partner is lying is the first step you can take to solve problems and restore trust. The reason is, lies are often used as a tool to cover up a perceived problem that may be related to discomfort.

Although it is not easy to control your emotions when you find out that you are being lied to, talking slowly and asking your partner to be honest are the first ways to reveal the reasons behind your partner's lie.

Being lied to is painful, but listening carefully to the reasons that underlie it is the most wise way. Don't even yell at your partner or accuse him of all kinds of things. Attitudes like that actually make your partner more likely to lie.

2. Change starts with yourself

If it turns out that one of the reasons your partner likes to lie is because of your attitude towards him, then change your behavior. For example, you once scolded him for hanging out with friends you didn't like after office hours. So, it is not impossible that your partner will lie if he has to go out with someone else.

Therefore, it is best to express your feelings and thoughts in a calm tone, not exuberant. If you do not like your partner to go out late at night with a colleague at work, tell them well along with the logical reasons. Don't just sue him with the excuse, "I just did not like, period! "

When a problem is handled with a cool head, chances are you and your partner can understand each other's intentions and desires. If your partner understands what you mean, he will be able to consider his decision carefully, whether to go with a friend from work after work or not. However, if your partner does not know why you disagree with his actions, he will tend to go away and end up lying to you.

You also need to realize that your partner needs time to change his lying habits. The most important thing is to face problems together and give support to couples to change.

3. Listen to each other, not blame each other

In the household, good communication is a very important foundation. Therefore, you need to create space to discuss and listen to each other's complaints. In addition to expressing feelings for each other, you can also make the discussion room a place to express each other's desires in your household both. Take the time to talk heart to heart more often to express honesty.

If you feel the lies are too heavy to forgive, you can consult a marriage counselor to find the best solution for your marriage.