Complainant partner? here are 5 ways to deal with it

Dealing with a complaining partner is not easy. Especially if you also don't understand the cause of the complaint. Luckily, there are a few tricks you can do to deal with your partner's complaints well.

How to deal with a complaining partner

Complaining is a very natural thing. In fact, complaining about something to your partner can be a sign that you are someone he trusts.

However, constant complaining can also lead to rifts in relationships. To keep the relationship going, here are some tips for dealing with a partner who often complains:

1. Understand what he wants

In truth, your complaining partner may just need attention and understanding. For example, he often complains when you play on your cellphone. It could be that they just want to talk to you more.

These complaints are usually brief and appear occasionally. If your partner is complaining all the time, even for the smallest thing, there could be reasons behind it that he hasn't revealed.

Instead of guessing, try to ask it directly from the caution. For example, you could say, "Looks like you have been thinking a lot lately, what's going on?"

2. Avoid debate

You may be upset and want to throw tantrums when your partner continues to complain non-stop. However, replying with anger can actually make things worse.

However, negative emotions that are reciprocated with negativity do not produce anything positive. If your emotions are still taking hold of you, try moving away from your partner for a moment until your head cools down as you think about how to deal with them.

Elliot D. Cohen, Ph.D., originator of the method of philosophical counseling in the United States, suggests using the following framework to avoid debate when dealing with a complaining partner:

1. Complaining is one of the shortcomings of a partner that you must accept.
2. Hence, you will face this attitude with courage.
3. Even so, you will still try to respect your partner even though you don't like their complaining nature.
4. You do this through tolerating the respect you have.
5. Because you value this relationship, it means you have to deal with it in a way that makes sense, not with a moment of emotion.

3. Express your feelings

Maybe you get annoyed when your partner likes to complain but lazy also triggers a scene. You finally choose to harbor emotions. Even though this method can create long-term conflicts and make problems pile up unresolved.

Conversely, expressing your feelings to your partner can actually have a good impact on the relationship.

Again, try to find the right time to talk about this. Even though it is difficult, try to hold back your emotions and talk about it carefully. Express what you feel, then don't forget to ask his opinion again about this.

4. Determine the limits of your tolerance

It is undeniable, you will definitely get tired if your partner keeps complaining. This is normal, but you should keep talking about this so he understands that you both need to understand each other.

Find a time when you are both in a good mood. Tell your partner that it's okay if he complains. However, you may also want to point out that at times you get overwhelmed by the constant grievances.

Explain that a good relationship is one that goes both ways, where the two people are both "mutually". Not just one party.

5. Invite him to find solutions together

Sometimes, you may get confused when you face a complaining partner. Especially if he complains about things that are out of his control, such as bad weather, long ticket lines, or traffic jams.

When your partner complains, try to ask him to find a solution together. Discussing solutions together allows you and your partner to exchange lots of thoughts and ideas. This step could lead to a creative solution to the problem he is currently experiencing.

In addition, your partner can also train himself to find solutions independently, without him knowing it.

A complaining partner may not actually have any ill intentions. They only seek attention, understanding, and solutions to various unresolved problems.

Your role is to be understanding with him, as long as his complaints are logical and do not offend others. With effective communication, this behavior will gradually change for the better.