Table of contents:
- Listening is not just hearing with your ears, you must also understand
- Communication, the key to a partner's happiness and harmony
- How can you listen to and understand your partner?
Tired of hearing arguments like “You not never understand me! " or “When did you hear about it talk I?" every time you hear a partner? In essence, humans really need to be heard and understood by others. No exception in every relationship with all its details. But unfortunately, not everyone can or want to understand and listen to their partner's wishes.
In fact, providing yourself (and also your heart) to listen to him, not only your willingness but also his complaints, is a sign of your love for your partner. So, how should you establish good communication with your partner? Check out the tips and tricks here
Listening is not just hearing with your ears, you must also understand
Listening is a form of appreciation, respect for the thoughts and feelings of your loved one. But of course listening is not only with your ears, you also have to use your heart.
Faye Doll, in his thesis entitled Partners' Listening Styles and Relationship Satisfaction: Listening to Understand vs. Listening to Respond says that "listening" is divided into two types. Listening with understanding and listening with response. Someone who feels he has been listened to with understanding by their interlocutors tends to feel more satisfied with their relationship.
Meanwhile, if you listen only while responding ignorantly - "oh I see .."; "Yes, it should be like that .."; "Well, then let it pass"; etc. - they are likely to be more and more downor even withdraw from you. After all, it is not certain that all of her need to be heard does not necessarily require answers essay of your. Most of these “demands” for asking to be heard only require you to really… listen.
Communication, the key to a partner's happiness and harmony
According to psychologist Carl Rogers, listening to and understanding your partner is one way of creating a healthy relationship. If you listen to your partner's complaints, it tends to make your partner more open to you. You don't want to, do you, if your partner lies frequently and tends to cover everything up? You can also achieve flexible, democratic, and harmonious relationships by opening two-way lines of communication. And most importantly, you can be a solid pillar for your partner to accommodate the story or problem.
It is better if you first know what the goal is rather than listening to your partner. Its goals include obtaining information, understanding someone's situation, and giving relief to the person telling the story. It also has to do with the reasons why some people go to a psychologist. They come because they feel they want their problems to be heard and are hopefully given a solution.
Your ability and sincerity to listen to your partner is a sign that you want to understand the messages that your partner is sending out in his outpouring. As a bonus, you can fix things that were not right before and romance can be fully intertwined.
However, you can also accentuate the caring side by what they say and feel. It's also important to know, if you are accustomed to listening to people sympathetically, then chances are your partner or other people will likely listen to you too.
How can you listen to and understand your partner?
Being a good listener is not easy, you know. You need a lot of practice and patience. After all, when you are struggling to understand your partner, you need to turn your full attention to your partner. The more often you do this, the better you will be at understanding your partner, and the more positive your relationship will be.
Here are some tips and ways to be a good listener:
- Try to position yourself as a partner, or the person telling the story
- Focus and listen to the important meanings of the story
- Pay attention to his body language, usually body language shows real feelings
- Give empathy when they talk
- Don't make direct judgments, and don't dodge when you become a problem from the story your partner shares.
- Look your partner in the eye when he's talking
- Acknowledge that you are listening, for example you can nod or occasionally say "OK, I got it".
- Every now and then try to repeat what your partner said, while giving a neutral comment.
For example, when your partner looks sad then says, "this afternoon I was scolded by the boss at the office". You can say, “it must be sad that the boss scolded me. What happened? ”. By repeating what your partner is telling you and summarizing how he feels in his body language and expressions, he will know that you are listening without needing to hear you say, "I understand" or "I am listening."
You can also give a touch to show that you care about your partner, for example by holding your hand or hugging while listening to your partner tell stories.
