How to educate children who are difficult to arrange so that they obey their parents

"Do not test!", "Do not snack carelessly!", "Come on, do the peer first before sleeping" - how many of your advice and suggestions have entered the child's right ear and left ear? How many times have you punished your little one back and forth for not wanting to hear what his mother's father said, but he was also not a deterrent?

Every parent has a style of communicating with their children; some are aggressive, passive, gentle, assertive, and others. However, without realizing it, the method of parent-child interaction will affect the child's ability and willingness to listen to what parents say, which is reflected in the way children talk to their father and mother. Therefore, as a parent, you need to be careful in communicating with your child. Because if not, it will make it even more difficult for your child to manage.

If you're currently running out of ways to deal with an unruly child, here are some things you can and shouldn't do.

Things that can be done to deal with unruly children

1. There's nothing wrong with saying "YES"

Often you will immediately say “no” when your child asks for something odd as a sign of absolute, inviolable prohibition. Unconsciously, this can make children even more rebellious against their parents' wishes because they feel restrained.

Try to offer alternatives. For example, if your child wants to doodle on the wall, then first find out why they want to doodle. Then suggest an alternative that is acceptable to them, for example providing a drawing book, canvas, etc. This will show that you listen to their wishes and strengthen their trust in you and make you a "friend" rather than an "opponent."

2. Give an explanation

Children who are difficult to control sometimes don't mean they want to fight what their parents say. They may just not understand why you forbid them to do this. For example, you want to forbid it for rain in the field. Instead of straightforwardly refusing "You can't, play games!" and locking the fence of the house, explain to him that he was playing in the rain. "You will catch a cold, even though tomorrow is school day." Also listen to responses or suggestions from your child. This will help your child think logically and get used to listening to you.

3. Be a parent, not a friend

Positioning yourself as a friend is not wrong, however, in a child's condition that is difficult to manage you need to act as a parent, not as a friend. This is done to teach them about discipline, as well as to set boundaries that can instill confidence as they learn to live life.

The wrong way to discipline an unruly child

1. Punish

Punishing is often used as an excuse to discipline unruly children. In fact, discipline and punishment are two different things. Discipline is a means for parents to be actively involved in children's lives to help shape their moral character and personality. Meanwhile, punishment is an action that serves as revenge.

So, teaching children to discipline does not always have to punish them. Find out the reasons behind their behavior, and take appropriate action to improve their emotional state. After all, punishing children when they are having a hard time is actually making them more uncomfortable and rebellious.

2. Don't lie

Even though it looks trivial, however, small lies such as, "the toys are not sold", "yes tomorrow, let's go", and other white lies, can have an impact on the attitude of children who don't want to hear what you say. After all, your children are not as innocent as you might think. They certainly know when you are lying and breaking promises.

For a child, breaking "promises" can erode trust and eventually they will stop listening to what you have to say.

3. Don't force your will

If you want your children to listen to you, then you must first start listening to them. Don't put them in situations they can't handle just because you feel they "should" do it. This makes your child uncomfortable and feels his wishes are not being heard by the parents.

4. Don't scare him

The prohibitions that were given were often in the form of "Don't eat candy, you will have hollow teeth" or "Don't play maghrib-maghrib, you will be kidnapped by kuntilanak!" and other prohibitions. In fact, scaring children because of "terror" that you create yourself can cause children to lose sources of information they trust, thus making them not want to listen to what you say anymore.