Table of contents:
- The importance of communicating the language of love with a partner
- Five love languages you need to know
- 1. Words of affirmation (words and praise)
- 2. Physical touch (physical touch)
- 3. Acts of service (action)
- 4. Gifts giving (give gifts)
- 5. Quality time (spending time together)
There are some people who feel unloved by their partner just because they rarely get the words "I love you". Others are not sure whether their partner really loves them just because they rarely spend time together. Before you think like that, you should understand that everyone has a language of love, which is a different way of expressing and interpreting love.
If your partner rarely expresses his feelings, it may not mean that you are not loved. Maybe your love language and your partner are not the same. So, what kind of love languages might a person have? Is it important for everyone to communicate their love language to their partner?
The importance of communicating the language of love with a partner
Of course you know, communication is an important foundation in building a healthy relationship. Therefore, communicating all your needs and desires with your partner is very important. One of these needs and desires is the language of love they have. Why is that?
As mentioned earlier, everyone's love language can be different. A marriage counselor from the United States (US), Gary Chapman, Ph.D., said that the language of love can be influenced by parental and family factors. How love was expressed by your parents from infancy can influence the way you express and interpret love for your partner as an adult.
As a result of this difference, the language of love really needs to be communicated with a partner. By communicating this, you and your partner will feel more loved and appreciated in the relationship, just as your family and parents love you. Not only that, you and your partner will find it easier to find and increase happiness.
Conversely, feeling less loved and appreciated can actually damage relationships. For those who are married, this is often a source of stress in marriage. In fact, not infrequently, not communicating the needs and desires of you and your partner can also lead to divorce or separation.
Five love languages you need to know
Furthermore, Gary Chapman wrote a book entitled "The Five Love Languages"In describing how people express and receive love. Gary said, the language of love that you communicate to one person may not be received the same way by others.
To find out which language you or your partner uses to express and receive love, consider the following five love languages according to Gary Chapman.
1. Words of affirmation (words and praise)
Words like, “I love you” or “you are so beautiful in that dress” can seem simple. However, for those of you who express love in this way, the power of these words is immense. Conversely, insulting or unkind words will also have a big impact on you.
Newberg and Waldman, in their book, entitled Words Can Change Your Brain: 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intimacy, mentioned that positive words are not just to express love, but can improve your brain function. In fact, speaking and listening to positive words more often than negative can activate the brain's motivation center, which can encourage you to take more positive actions.
If you have this love language, you may not be expecting much to be gifted by your partner or to be picked up on the go. This is because you really prefer to hear sweet words from your partner.
2. Physical touch (physical touch)
Physical touch is the first language humans use to communicate. This method also has an important role in social development and human behavior. In fact, studies have found that children who lack physical and emotional contact are at higher risk of behavioral, emotional, and social problems as they mature.
The study by Gulledge and Shahmann also found that physical touch is beneficial in creating and strengthening romantic relationships. With physical touch as well, conflicts that occur in partners are believed to be easier to resolve.
So, it's no wonder that many people express their love through touch. If you have this love language, stroking your head, holding hands, rubbing your back, kissing, or hugging your partner may be your way of showing your love. Conversely, you may feel hurt if your partner walks away or ignores you when you try to touch them.
3. Acts of service (action)
Another way a person can feel loved and express love is real action, namely by doing something for the sake of the partner. This is usually owned by someone who finds it difficult to express love in words. You may prefer to drive your partner shopping for hours rather than say, "I love you."
For people who have the language of love in the form of actions, being helped by a partner is far more important than being praised or motivated by words. For example, you are being chased deadlineprofession. At that time, you needed a partner more to help buy food than to encourage you with words.
Likewise, you may often help your partner to clean the house as a form of your love for him. In this type of person, someone will feel very loved and appreciated when the partner acts something, and will feel hurt if the partner is lazy.
4. Gifts giving (give gifts)
Gifts are often symbols of expressing love. Many people are even willing to give gifts regardless of how much the item costs. In fact, for people who express and interpret love through gifts, it is not the price or value of the goods that is important. What matters is your effort to think about the gift that is distinctive and personalfor him.
For example, suppose you are out of town. Just bringing her favorite food souvenirs makes couples happy. For him, this is a sign that you remember him and make your partner feel special. Conversely, if you forget to celebrate anniversary with your partner or not choosing the right gift, this will only make your partner hurt and not appreciated.
Dr. Jeral Kirwan, a psychology expert from Ashford University in the US, mention that there is a psychological or emotional advantage between the gift giver or recipient. Dr. Jeral also mentioned that giving gifts can increase feelings of satisfaction, thus strengthening relationships.
5. Quality time (spending time together)
Busyness often makes couples rarely meet. This condition often causes couples to separate as a result of both not being able to spend quality time together. If your partner's main love language is quality time, then he or she just wants you to spend time together, like sitting together on the sofa talking about each other.
This quality time can be a sign that you are giving your partner your full attention. In fact, as reported on the page of The University of Arizona Global Campus, the benefits of quality time can also be found in non-romantic relationships, such as with friends.
People who value quality time don't really need gifts or compliments. They may also be less concerned with actions such as being picked up. What's important is your effort to be with him.
