Table of contents:
- Dating with different characters is not even suitable
- Find a match with similar characters
- So, how do you put the different traits together?
Like "a bottle meets the cap". He said, two people whose traits and personalities are contradictory are the signs that they are matched instead of looking for a partner who is similar to us. The reason, though, is because both of them can complement each other. People who are calm and patient are said to be suitable dating people who like to get angry because they can make things worse and cover up the shortcomings of the angry one. Is it true that dating with different characters makes it lasting and a sign of a match?
Dating with different characters is not even suitable
Opposites attract. If used, two people whose characters are opposite words will actually be attracted to each other like magnets. Even so, Angela Bahns, a psychology lecturer from Wellesly College, rejects the classic theory.
According to Bahns, dating with different characters does not automatically guarantee that the two will fit in and the relationship will last. Bahns' statement is supported by research he conducted with his team and a team of other researchers from the University of Kansas in the United States.
This study tested 1500 couples who were randomly selected. There are those who are dating for a long time, are just friends, and who only know each other. Each person is asked to fill out a survey about their own principles, moral values, attitudes, and character to be compared with the results of their partner's survey.
The results were startling. Even though it looks like two sides of a coin with a ridge, on average this couple actually has principles and a view of life that are in line. Even including couples who just met.
Angela and her team argue that when looking for a partner, a person will look for a lot of similarities in a candidate that he feels is a good fit, not just looking for differences. Without realizing it, we will find it easier to "connect" and get along with people who think the same way, while staying away from those who do not adhere to the same principles.
This similarity of perception is the most vital determinant when we decide to have a relationship with new people. Because when you don't get along with that person from the start, the relationship you have with him (be it friendship or romance) will be vulnerable to conflict.
Find a match with similar characters
Bahns et al's research is not the only one examining the theory.opposites attract". In 2014, Nathan Hudson and Chris Fraley also examined whether partners with different characters were happier and more lasting or the opposite.
They studied 174 couples, including gay and lesbian couples. All of these pairs have traits and characters that are opposite to one another. The length of the relationship for each partner is also different; some are only a month old and some are in their seventh year.
The researchers gave 5 different types of tests every 2 months for a year, to assess the personalities of themselves and their partners. The five types of tests assess a person's predisposition to:
- Extraversion (comfort interacting with other people)
- Agreeableness (easy to agree and agree)
- Conscientiousness (make careful decisions)
- Emotional stability (calm, confident; not easily agitated and angry)
- Openness to experience (open to new things)
As a result, couples who both have personalities agreeableness and emotional stability feel happier in their relationship. Meanwhile, couples with different characters and contradictions do not feel this way. For example, one party strong side extraversionone is more introverted, or one is more spontaneous while one is veryconscientiousness.
So, how do you put the different traits together?
If you are dating someone of the same nature, consider it a fortune. You and your partner don't need to be tired of adjusting to each other. You and your partner also really understand and understand each other's heart.
However, don't worry if you are currently dating someone with a different character. This doesn't mean that you have to break up to look for something new with the same traits and personality. Similarity or differences in traits between partners do not always guarantee compatibility and longevity of the relationship.
Sharing similar traits and personalities does not necessarily mean that a relationship will be more satisfying, unless you think the two of you are indeed alike. Hudson and Fraley found that partners who considered themselves compatible had more satisfying relationships, regardless of whether their traits and personalities were very similar or not.
The thing that most determines the longevity of the relationship is the tolerance and efforts from both of you to jointly bridge these differences. Mutual understanding and understanding is the key to lasting romance.
