5 Psychological factors that are the reasons for an affair & bull; hello healthy

Love does not only involve emotions, so said biological anthropologist, Helen Fisher, quoted from the TED conference in 2006. According to Fisher, love also involves the brain's work system related to sex and reproduction. Both of these systems can explain why humans are able to commit adultery, even when we value love so much.

The science behind love and infidelity

Love, according to Fisher, is an impulse. Love comes from the motor brain, the part of the brain that drives needs and desires, the part of the brain that plays with feelings of craving. The kind of part of the mind when you reach for a piece of chocolate, when you want to win a promotion at work. Brain drive.

In the conference, Fisher explained that love is like addiction, how the phrase "love is blind" (a little) has a point. When you fall in love, not only does this person have a special meaning for you, you focus your entire body and soul, and your attention on them. You can fluently rank whatever you dislike about him, but then you ignore it all, other than fixating on his every move.

You adore him, but you also have great energy within you. So, whenever something related to the person you love goes smoothly, you will feel like in the seventh heaven. Conversely, if nothing goes according to plan, you feel devastated. A real addiction to the person. This may be due to increased dopamine activity in the brain.

You also become very possessive sexually with him. However, the main characteristic of romantic love is need: a strong desire to be involved in a relationship with this person, not only sexually, but also emotionally. Sex is a plus, plus you want him to call you, ask you out, and so on, to let you know he loves you. Another main characteristic is motivation. The motor in the brain starts working, and you want this person. Lastly, love is an obsession.

To prove his theory, Fisher and his research team conducted brain scans of 32 participants in two situations: when they saw photos of their loved ones romantically (not in direct family relationships) and other activities that tried to get their minds off those people. This is done to be able to see the same brain in a state of high excitability and rest. As a result, a photo of a loved one can simultaneously activate the brain's work, especially arousing the same brain region when you are addicted to cocaine.

Humans have three primary brain systems related to love. First, the sex drive, which evolved to motivate a person to fulfill sexual satisfaction with various partners. Second, romantic love which motivates a person to focus their marriage energy on a specific partner, thus saving time and energy. Third, linkage. Connections evolved to encourage you and your partner to be together at least long enough to build a family as a team.

These three basic nervous systems interact with each other and with other brain systems to provide you with the various motivations, emotions, and behaviors needed to organize complex human reproductive strategies.

However, there will always be complications in the operation of this system. These three systems will not always work together. That's why sex can't be that easy. During orgasm, the brain releases dopamine spikes. Dopamine is linked to romantic love. Therefore, you could fall in love with your sex partner. In addition, orgasm also releases oxytocin and vassopressin, two hormones that are linked to feelings of attachment. This is why you can feel in common and have a close relationship with your sex partner.

The three systems are also not always related to each other. You can feel a deep attachment to your long-term partner, but at the same time have intense romantic love for someone other than himself, and a strong sexual attraction towards someone other than these two people.

What makes someone cheating?

Infidelity has become a real phenomenon in all cultures around the world. Infidelity was common even in people of ancient Greece and Rome, pre-industrial Europe, ancient Japan, China, and many other societies.

Citing Psych Central, in the largest, most comprehensive poll in 1994, Edward Laumann and team found that 20% of women and more than 31% of men aged 40-50 years reported having engaged in sexual relations with someone other than their married partner. In addition, Young and Alexander in the book The Chemistry Between Us: Love, Sex and the Science of Attraction reported that about 30-40% of cases of infidelity occur in marriage, for women and men.

Now we know, some people can cheat on their partners, but the question is, why are they so desperate to take emotional and practical risks to have an affair? Reporting from Psychology Today, there are 5 reasons why someone has an affair, based on a survey conducted by Julia Omarzu, a psychologist from Loras College, and her research team.

1. Lack of sexual satisfaction in marriage, and desire for additional sexual intercourse

Sexual appetite is often short-lived, and arousal can decline quite rapidly as arousal slowly dies or emotional problems surface. It can also fade if the two partners in an affair relationship don't find much in common outside of sex.

2. Lack of emotional satisfaction in marriage

Seeking emotional intimacy can be as attractive as seeking physical intimacy as an excuse for having an affair. A large proportion of people who cheat for this reason report feeling less fulfilled by their emotional needs than their married partners. This type of infidelity does not usually involve sex and tends to prefer to stay in platonic relationships.

3. Desire to get a sense of appreciation from others

Mutual respect is a key factor in the emotional aspect of a romantic relationship. These two people may grow increasingly apart emotionally and fail to acknowledge the needs they have in the relationship. In Susan Berkowitz's study of men who stopped having sex with their partners, 44% said they felt angry, criticized, and unimportant in their marriage. M. Gary Neuman found that 48% of men reported emotional dissatisfaction as the main reason for cheating. They feel disrespected and hope that their partner will acknowledge when they worked hard to maintain the marriage.

4. No longer in love with their partner and find new love.

Emotional and physical intimacy appear to be the main factors leading to infidelity.

5. Revenge

In an already 'dying' relationship, the desire to hurt a partner who is (or is suspected of being) cheating seems to overpower the desire for physical and mental fulfillment alone.

Infidelity symbolizes desire, suffering, and the need for a relationship. Infidelity rarely occurs without conflict or even pressure. In addition, infidelity may be the result, or cause, of marriage.