Understand and deal with a perfectionist child

Many interpret perfectionism as a good thing, which makes parents feel they don't need to be afraid of their children failing because they already have their own awareness to continue to do their best. However, perfectionism in children can also be bad.

Why do children become perfectionists?

According to studies conducted by psychologists Hewitt and Flett, there are three types of perfectionists who are also caused by different reasons. The three of them are perfectionists who are self-oriented, perfectionists who are oriented towards others, and perfectionists who are motivated by the surrounding environment.

In self-oriented perfectionists, children instill the thought that they have to be as perfect as possible. It is for this that he sets very high standards for himself. He will also try not to make mistakes when doing something.

Children who experience this are usually driven by a fear of failure. There is also a kind of compulsion that makes them have to prove to others that they are smart kids.

In other-oriented perfectionists, children have high standards for those around them. This action is also closely related to the tendency of children to judge and be critical of the performance of others.

Source: Kiddo Care

Not infrequently children also experience trust problems. This of course can have a bad impact, especially when children work in study groups. In the end, they will separate themselves for fear that other people will mess up the job.

The last type is a perfectionist who is driven by the environment. Children who experience this are also motivated to prove their abilities, but with the aim of meeting other people's standards or getting the attention of parents.

The causes can come from various things. Some of them are demands from parents who want their children to be successful, pressure from an education system that upholds perfect grades, competition in schools, and praise from others that children often receive.

What are the consequences if the child is too perfectionist?

Indeed, at first glance this perfectionist nature can have a good impact on the future of children, especially in academics. Without having to do many ways, children already have their own awareness to continue learning in order to get perfect results.

Unfortunately, perfectionism isn't always a good thing. Especially when the child starts to show some actions that interfere with their health.

Excessive perfectionist characteristics are generally characterized by anxiety about making mistakes, being very critical or blaming themselves when failing, easily embarrassed and frustrated, and difficulty completing and prioritizing important tasks.

This anxiety can make children continue to force themselves to do something perfectly. If the results of his work do not meet his standards, he will keep on going back and forth with the assignment until he feels that there are no mistakes.

As a result, children will spend more time just doing a task. Sometimes this is also followed by procrastination as a way of dealing with fear.

Perfectionist children also often hide their true feelings. They don't want other people to know that they are in trouble too. Showing this complaint will make them look like they are inadequate.

Even fear of mistakes can keep your child from trying to do new things. Granted, the fear of screwing up a job that isn't yet known is natural. However, this is more intense in overly perfectionistic children.

The bad effect, they will indirectly inhibit themselves from developing. It is not impossible if later this perfectionist trait will lead to mental health problems such as severe stress, depression and anxiety disorders.

How to deal with a perfectionist child

Before your child's perfectionism becomes more and more, there are a number of ways you as a parent can help them.

1. Teach children to accept their weaknesses

Sometimes this perfectionist trait is a boost from the voices in his head that make the child try his hardest to avoid mistakes.

Thoughts like "if this is how you are wrong, then you are not able "or" if you fail, you will disappoint everyone "seemed to haunt them all the time.

Try asking your children what makes them often feel frustrated. After that, give them the understanding that it's really okay if they make a mistake. Nobody will label himself stupid just because of one little mistake he has made.

Emphasize the child that no one is perfect. Either you or your friends have also made mistakes, the important thing is that there is something that can be a lesson for the future.

Explain also that the feeling will not help the task to be completed quickly and will actually hinder his productivity.

2. Avoid giving excessive expectations for children

Including when there are one or two lessons whose grades are not as good as other subjects, you should avoid stressing the child to make the two lessons perfect in the future.

Perfectionist children often feel anxious about not meeting your expectations before they even know the results.

Know the child's struggle behind these values, offer your help if the child is having difficulties. Instead of encouraging children to do it themselves, your help can certainly make them feel better.

You may have high expectations for your child, but you also have to know whether those expectations match his abilities or what he wants to do.

3. Give compliments

Giving praise to children does not have to be about their achievements. Express your compliments for the hard work that has led the child to achievement. Tell them that you like your child to learn and try.

In addition, give praise outside of things related to his talent. You can compliment him when he behaves well to other people. Undoubtedly this will also encourage your child to do more good things.

Praise should be given in moderation and specific or in accordance with his actions.

4. Make time for recreation with the child

Take your time to invite children to play or do fun things that can make him forget for a moment the tasks that burden him. Activities such as playing ball, going to the museum, or having a picnic can be an option as long as the child likes to do it.

If you have more time, you can also plan a vacation out of town to unwind. Not only is it an activity that can make the mind calm, activities like this can make the relationship between you and your child even closer.

Spending time together often makes children more comfortable with you. It is hoped that afterwards the children will also not hesitate to tell their complaints whenever they are faced with difficult things.

Every parent wants to have children with a bright future. However, don't let your expectations lead your child to think that they have to go along with you all the time so as not to upset you. Assure the child, your affection will not decrease even if he does not get perfect scores in all the lessons.

Dealing with a perfectionist child at times can be difficult. Therefore, don't hesitate to ask for help from teachers at school or consult with professional experts to help you.